How not to respond to the Sarah Everard conversation

On Wednesday 3 March, sometime after 9:30 pm, Sarah Everard (pictured) went missing between Brixton and Clapham. In the days that have followed, a body has been found over 50 miles away in Ashford, Kent, and was subsequently confirmed as hers. A serving police officer, who finished his shift 90 minutes before Sarah began her walk home, has been arrested and charged with her kidnap and murder. God knows what else happened. The same officer had been reported twice for "flashing" in a McDonald's in the days before.

This has provoked necessary and important conversation about women's experiences and fears, not least doing something as basic as walking home at night. Unfortunately, very on brand for the incessantly embattled and insistently polarising spirit of the age, it seems some men are incapable of sitting quietly, listening, and responding appropriately. This is even more tragic when said men are Christians, as many whom I have observed are, and worse still, some are pastors.

I have observed identical behaviours every time an unnarmed black man is gunned down in an American street by police or pretend-police, and people speak up to say "No more." Denial. Deflection. Whataboutery. Hyper-individualism that seems utterly incapable of grasping culture-wide issues and collective responsibilities *except* when it suits.

#NotAllMen.

"My wife isn't afraid to walk home at night".

"I have friends who are women, and they've never said anything about this".

"More men get killed than women."

"Did you know men get kidnapped and raped too?".

"I think if a woman grips a key between her fingers every time she sees a man walking toward her or senses a man behind her on a quiet street, that says more about her than about men."

"Didn't you hear that they are seriously considering a curfew for all men after 6 pm? I saw a headline that said it was literally being discussed in Parliament."

I could go on. No, I did not dream these responses up.

A woman was kidnapped off the streets by a sexually deviant police officer and ends up dead in the woods an hour and a half drive away. Women are opening up about the fears they have and the dangers they face. Guys, if you're so great and such big stuff, this should make you angry - not at the women saying these things (no, not even at the radical voices at the fringe!) but at the wicked climate that endangers, in mind and body, our mothers, sisters, wives, and daughters. The ego-defensive responses that I have mentioned above reveal deep weaknesses and insecurities. They are personally irresponsible and pastorally inept.

If you absolutely *must* say something, perhaps you can more helpfully take your pick from the following edifying and timely topics:

• the divinely given dignity, value, and worth of women
• the divinely given responsibility of men to care for, nurture, and protect women, treating them as sisters in absolute purity.
• the divine gift of marriage and sex, to be held in honour and handled responsibly
• the authentic characteristics of a Christ-honouring man
• the wickedness of male violence, sexual assault, and every form of abusive behaviour towards women
• systemic corruption and unaccountability in our police forces
• soaring rates of domestic violence and the significant scale of quiet, unreported harassment, bullying, assault, and abuse that happens at home, in the workplace, commuting, and in public spaces
• the systemic oppression and objectification of women through the porn industry, and the pornification of the male mind
• sane proposals for environmentally safer streets, parks, roads, and so forth

Honourable men needn't feel attacked by the essential dialogue about male violence toward women. Christian men, who are indeed Christ-following, needn't be defensive about manifestations of masculinity that are indeed toxic, reflective more of the pagan machismo of Sparta than the pure morality of Sinai.